Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Addison
This name drives me nuts. Names that end in "son" drive me nuts in general, when they're used for little girls (I'm looking at you, writer of the movie "Splash", for starting this trend), but Addison is the worst, and I have no issue with laying the blame right on Shonda Rhimes's doorstep.
Shonda Rhimes created Grey's Anatomy. Up until Grey's Anatomy, Addison was a boy's name. Now, however, there are little feminine Addisons running around wherever you look, and every single one of them is Shonda's fault for naming a major female character a boy's name. (SON MEANS BOY.) Of all the trendy TV show names, this is by no means the worst- see Khaleesi for that particular honor- but it's still pretty damned grating.
The worst part of it is that, although the show is full of godawful names like Arizona and Ellis, there are some pretty good names as well that no one is using. Calliope. Meredith- which used to be a masculine toned last name, but after 100 years, we can finally ignore that since there's not a damned SON in the name. Adele. Richard. Good names. STRONG names.
But all we get is a plethora of tiny Addisons. Alas.
Shonda Rhimes created Grey's Anatomy. Up until Grey's Anatomy, Addison was a boy's name. Now, however, there are little feminine Addisons running around wherever you look, and every single one of them is Shonda's fault for naming a major female character a boy's name. (SON MEANS BOY.) Of all the trendy TV show names, this is by no means the worst- see Khaleesi for that particular honor- but it's still pretty damned grating.
The worst part of it is that, although the show is full of godawful names like Arizona and Ellis, there are some pretty good names as well that no one is using. Calliope. Meredith- which used to be a masculine toned last name, but after 100 years, we can finally ignore that since there's not a damned SON in the name. Adele. Richard. Good names. STRONG names.
But all we get is a plethora of tiny Addisons. Alas.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Khaleesi
I'm a geek. I admit it. I read lots of fantasy and sci fi. I go to conventions. I watch things like Doctor Who and get all overemotional and cry. I watch Game of Thrones, and I've read the series that it is based off of about 5 times, which is a prodigious feat (words, words everywhere). My husband and I have jokingly talked about naming out next kid Arya or Daenerys after the books (well, not so much Daenerys, not really. Arya, though, that's a possibility).
So today I learned that lots of people are naming their daughters Khaleesi. Khaleesi is not a name. Khaleesi is a title. Khaleesi is a title in a made up language called Dothraki. It translated roughly to Queen. I mean, so far as you can translate a word from a totally made up language to English.
The title is used, on the show, in place of the full name and title of Daenerys Targaryen, called Storm born, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, the First of Her Name, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons, and so on and so forth and I don't want to spoil anything so I'll just stop there. It goes on. The point here is that it's not her freaking NAME. These people aren't naming their kids after Daenerys Stormborn. They're naming their kids after the fictional wives of the fictional Dothraki leaders, who themselves are famous for raping, pillaging, burning, and enslaving, who can't even fictionally make it through a fictional wedding without several people getting eviscerated and/or grabbing the nearest woman for some not exactly consensual sex. This is not a good thing to name your child after. Not even if you really, really, REALLY like to watch Game of Thrones.
You wouldn't name your kid Princess (I hope).
You wouldn't name your kid Queen (please just say no.)
You certainly wouldn't name your kid after a REAL wife of a raping, murdering warlord.
So don't name your child after the wife of a fictional one, either.
So today I learned that lots of people are naming their daughters Khaleesi. Khaleesi is not a name. Khaleesi is a title. Khaleesi is a title in a made up language called Dothraki. It translated roughly to Queen. I mean, so far as you can translate a word from a totally made up language to English.
The title is used, on the show, in place of the full name and title of Daenerys Targaryen, called Storm born, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, the First of Her Name, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons, and so on and so forth and I don't want to spoil anything so I'll just stop there. It goes on. The point here is that it's not her freaking NAME. These people aren't naming their kids after Daenerys Stormborn. They're naming their kids after the fictional wives of the fictional Dothraki leaders, who themselves are famous for raping, pillaging, burning, and enslaving, who can't even fictionally make it through a fictional wedding without several people getting eviscerated and/or grabbing the nearest woman for some not exactly consensual sex. This is not a good thing to name your child after. Not even if you really, really, REALLY like to watch Game of Thrones.
You wouldn't name your kid Princess (I hope).
You wouldn't name your kid Queen (please just say no.)
You certainly wouldn't name your kid after a REAL wife of a raping, murdering warlord.
So don't name your child after the wife of a fictional one, either.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Pop Culture
I'm so sorry for this kid that I am going to make her name invisible to search engines.
Bell. Atriks. Cora. Line.
Look, I gave a passing thought to naming my kid Hermione, before I realized that it's actually a horrible name and that I shouldn't inflict it upon any child, regardless of how much I love Harry Potter. I love the fact that so many people are naming their kids Lily after the book, though. Lily is an awesome and lovely name, and if I didn't personally know 5 people with kids named Lily or Lilly, I would totally use it of we have another girl.
But Bellatrix? Really? You named your kid after Bellatrix Lestrange and you didn't even spell it right? And then, because naming your kid a bastardization of the second baddest baddie in Harry Potter wasn't quite goth enough for you, you had to add CORALINE? Are you so goth you shit bats and black leather, or what? If it had been a boy, would his name have been Voldemort Sandman? Pettigrew Crawley? Or would you have just pulled out all the stops and named him Peter Murphy Neil Gaiman Dracula Voldemort Death Black Morbid? And Coraline... yeah, it's a pretty name, but the movie is kind of disturbing, don't you think? I mean, is this kid gonna spend the rest of her life wondering if she has an Other Mother and Other Father somewhere with button eyes? And it's not ever going to fade from public consciousness. Coraline might, a little bit, but Harry Potter isn't going anywhere. People are going to be reading that one until the collapse of civilization. Bellatrix Lestrange wasn't exactly a lovable character. She was kind of nasty, with the nasty hair and the racism thing and the penchant for, you know, killing people. But you just go on and saddle your kid with that name for the rest of her life. When she's a teenager wearing all black, mainlining coffee, writing bad poetry, and hiding in the closet to cut herself, you just remember that you asked for this.
(Reminder: This website is a work of satire, so no one try to sue me over this post.)
Bell. Atriks. Cora. Line.
Look, I gave a passing thought to naming my kid Hermione, before I realized that it's actually a horrible name and that I shouldn't inflict it upon any child, regardless of how much I love Harry Potter. I love the fact that so many people are naming their kids Lily after the book, though. Lily is an awesome and lovely name, and if I didn't personally know 5 people with kids named Lily or Lilly, I would totally use it of we have another girl.
But Bellatrix? Really? You named your kid after Bellatrix Lestrange and you didn't even spell it right? And then, because naming your kid a bastardization of the second baddest baddie in Harry Potter wasn't quite goth enough for you, you had to add CORALINE? Are you so goth you shit bats and black leather, or what? If it had been a boy, would his name have been Voldemort Sandman? Pettigrew Crawley? Or would you have just pulled out all the stops and named him Peter Murphy Neil Gaiman Dracula Voldemort Death Black Morbid? And Coraline... yeah, it's a pretty name, but the movie is kind of disturbing, don't you think? I mean, is this kid gonna spend the rest of her life wondering if she has an Other Mother and Other Father somewhere with button eyes? And it's not ever going to fade from public consciousness. Coraline might, a little bit, but Harry Potter isn't going anywhere. People are going to be reading that one until the collapse of civilization. Bellatrix Lestrange wasn't exactly a lovable character. She was kind of nasty, with the nasty hair and the racism thing and the penchant for, you know, killing people. But you just go on and saddle your kid with that name for the rest of her life. When she's a teenager wearing all black, mainlining coffee, writing bad poetry, and hiding in the closet to cut herself, you just remember that you asked for this.
(Reminder: This website is a work of satire, so no one try to sue me over this post.)
Monday, January 30, 2012
Cullen
I need you to help me organize a posse.
We're going to track down this newborn's father, and we're going to take away his man card.
Who's with me?
I like Twilight and I'm not ashamed to admit it, but here's the deal; naming your kid after momentary pop culture icons is just maybe not the best idea ever. For instance, I'm not going to run out and get a Jacob tattoo (although I do have a wolf on my ankle, he is named after Cafall from The Grey King and can in no way be tied in to Twilight). Yesterday I considered a Fluttershy tattoo, but the pony/brony phenomenon will probably be fleeting, and will I really want that when I'm 90?
It's the same thing. When this kid gets to be a teenager and his friends find out he's named after Twilight, well... let's just go get than man card from his dad so the poor kid can have two when he grows up.
He'll need them.
We're going to track down this newborn's father, and we're going to take away his man card.
Who's with me?
I like Twilight and I'm not ashamed to admit it, but here's the deal; naming your kid after momentary pop culture icons is just maybe not the best idea ever. For instance, I'm not going to run out and get a Jacob tattoo (although I do have a wolf on my ankle, he is named after Cafall from The Grey King and can in no way be tied in to Twilight). Yesterday I considered a Fluttershy tattoo, but the pony/brony phenomenon will probably be fleeting, and will I really want that when I'm 90?
It's the same thing. When this kid gets to be a teenager and his friends find out he's named after Twilight, well... let's just go get than man card from his dad so the poor kid can have two when he grows up.
He'll need them.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Godswill
I understand that they meant God's Will, but what I read was god swill.
Apostrophes are important!
Apostrophes are important!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
J-mee and Kay Cee
A double post today, for your christmastime entertainment.
Let's tackle J-Mee first. Seriously, now, did the parents of this child expect great things of her, or what? President J-Mee Smith. Doctor J-Mee Jones. Fry cook J-Mee... now that sounds much more likely. Jaime and Jamie are both cute and acceptable names for girls, although not imbued with as much dignity as I strive for when naming my own children, but J-Mee just looks, well, stupid. There's just no way around it. It's dumb. It's taking cutesy to a level best reserved for fru-fru dogs and baby dolls. The kid might like it during high school (because oh, does it ever sound so very high school )but come the day she first has to put down that particular moniker on a job application and realizes that it's going to look like utter crap, she's going to curse her parents and start hunting for a name-changing application.
She'll no doubt be joined by poor Kay Cee. Kay Cee is going to spend a large part of his life fighting other boys because he has quite possibly the cutesiest, girliest name that I have ever seen inflicted upon a male child. It would have been better to name the kid Sue. Now, Casey is a fine name for a boy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, it's been a male name for at least a hundred years, and everyone knows the name. Spelling it Kay Cee for a boy, however, is just asking for trouble. Kay, after all, is a girl's name. Kay Cee is just awful. It's feminine, cutesy, and I dare say even lazy. Who the hell spells out letters in their kid's name? I mean, other than this kid's mom. This poor child is going to go through life with half of the people who see his name thinking he's a girl named Kay. He's going to have thousands of phone calls for Miss Kay Cee Insertlastnamehere. People who think his name is spelled the normal way will spit milk out of their nose the first time they see it in print. Girls will laugh at him. Boys will torment him. Snarkers will snark at him. And all because his mom chose to give him a name that was cute, and adorable, and GIRLY, instead of just using the proper damn spelling. I think that the only thing that could have made this name worse would have been the use of a dash... like poor J-Mee. Now Jay Mee would still have caught my attention, and I may have even snarked upon it here, but at least it would have been used on a girl, and therefore would not have shocked and appalled me like Kay Cee.
Oh well. J-Mee does have one thing going for it. Unlike Le-a, the dash DO be silent.
Let's tackle J-Mee first. Seriously, now, did the parents of this child expect great things of her, or what? President J-Mee Smith. Doctor J-Mee Jones. Fry cook J-Mee... now that sounds much more likely. Jaime and Jamie are both cute and acceptable names for girls, although not imbued with as much dignity as I strive for when naming my own children, but J-Mee just looks, well, stupid. There's just no way around it. It's dumb. It's taking cutesy to a level best reserved for fru-fru dogs and baby dolls. The kid might like it during high school (because oh, does it ever sound so very high school )but come the day she first has to put down that particular moniker on a job application and realizes that it's going to look like utter crap, she's going to curse her parents and start hunting for a name-changing application.
She'll no doubt be joined by poor Kay Cee. Kay Cee is going to spend a large part of his life fighting other boys because he has quite possibly the cutesiest, girliest name that I have ever seen inflicted upon a male child. It would have been better to name the kid Sue. Now, Casey is a fine name for a boy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, it's been a male name for at least a hundred years, and everyone knows the name. Spelling it Kay Cee for a boy, however, is just asking for trouble. Kay, after all, is a girl's name. Kay Cee is just awful. It's feminine, cutesy, and I dare say even lazy. Who the hell spells out letters in their kid's name? I mean, other than this kid's mom. This poor child is going to go through life with half of the people who see his name thinking he's a girl named Kay. He's going to have thousands of phone calls for Miss Kay Cee Insertlastnamehere. People who think his name is spelled the normal way will spit milk out of their nose the first time they see it in print. Girls will laugh at him. Boys will torment him. Snarkers will snark at him. And all because his mom chose to give him a name that was cute, and adorable, and GIRLY, instead of just using the proper damn spelling. I think that the only thing that could have made this name worse would have been the use of a dash... like poor J-Mee. Now Jay Mee would still have caught my attention, and I may have even snarked upon it here, but at least it would have been used on a girl, and therefore would not have shocked and appalled me like Kay Cee.
Oh well. J-Mee does have one thing going for it. Unlike Le-a, the dash DO be silent.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Lunden Bray
I believe that I have made my feelings known about the name Lunden. London is fine. Lunden is atrocious.
Now someone in this fair city has stepped it up a notch. Not only did they use horrible spelling for Lunden, they also followed it up with a middle name that is THE SAME SOUND A DONKEY MAKES.
To top it off, Bray is also a small town in Ireland, which is like naming a kid Seoul Pyongyang. I mean, England and Ireland aren't exactly known for their great and historical love of one another.
Brae I could have dealt with. Stupid, but not the exact spelling of "the harsh sound that a donkey or mule utters". But Bray? Seriously? Bray? You didn't once run that through Google, or Webster's, or anything? It never occurred to you that it is (and I cannot get over this) THE SOUND THAT A FRIGGIN DONKEY MAKES???
Yeah. I'm sure this kid will have a lifetime of fun dealing with that.
Now someone in this fair city has stepped it up a notch. Not only did they use horrible spelling for Lunden, they also followed it up with a middle name that is THE SAME SOUND A DONKEY MAKES.
To top it off, Bray is also a small town in Ireland, which is like naming a kid Seoul Pyongyang. I mean, England and Ireland aren't exactly known for their great and historical love of one another.
Brae I could have dealt with. Stupid, but not the exact spelling of "the harsh sound that a donkey or mule utters". But Bray? Seriously? Bray? You didn't once run that through Google, or Webster's, or anything? It never occurred to you that it is (and I cannot get over this) THE SOUND THAT A FRIGGIN DONKEY MAKES???
Yeah. I'm sure this kid will have a lifetime of fun dealing with that.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
LOL
Is this where we're headed? Are there really people out there who would ACTUALLY go and name their child LOL? (Sadly, I think I know the answer to that question...)
I mean, how do you pronounce it? Lawl? Ellohell? WTF?
Next, someone's going to name their kid :) and then society will collapse.
And whoever suggested this name for this site needs to be horsewhipped for even mentioning the possibility. Some teen mom out there is going to see that and think it's perfect for her baby. Teen mom, I can assure you, it's NOT. NOT NOT NOT.
Argh.
And where did I find this? Why, failblog, of course....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
La La
Yeah, this one's kind of a personal one for me, since I actually know the family of poor La La. In fact, about ten years ago La La's mom bragged to me about the names she had chosen for her kids (normal name, normal name, and La La).
It's pronounced Layla. I've been trying to figure out for ten years now why it's not SPELLED Layla. Or Leila. Or, you know, anything with no spaces and some sort of a phonetic clue. But, sadly, La La it is. I think I almost spit out my drink the first time I realized that my friend's sister's name was, in fact, spelled in perhaps the most atrocious way possible. (Luckily said friend has no idea that Baby Name Snark even exists, so I'm fairly safe from her ever reading this. It's not her fault, anyway, we both know her mom's a moonbat.)
I don't even want to think about the trouble this girl has dealt with throughout her life regarding her name. I can't even look at it without thinking of a parade of Smurfs singing "la la la la la la" and since she is a child of the 80s like me, I'm willing to bet that I am not the only one to ever think that.
Even an added H somewhere in the name might hint at the fact that La is not, in fact, pronounced like, um, the other La.
I dunno, guys. This one just really hurts my brain. I can't see the logic here at all. (Probably because there was none- like I said, I know this family pretty well). I will say that pretty much everyone who comes into contact with this name is utterly stumped until they're informed of the correct pronunciation.
Phonetic clues, y'all... they're important.
:::sigh:::
It's pronounced Layla. I've been trying to figure out for ten years now why it's not SPELLED Layla. Or Leila. Or, you know, anything with no spaces and some sort of a phonetic clue. But, sadly, La La it is. I think I almost spit out my drink the first time I realized that my friend's sister's name was, in fact, spelled in perhaps the most atrocious way possible. (Luckily said friend has no idea that Baby Name Snark even exists, so I'm fairly safe from her ever reading this. It's not her fault, anyway, we both know her mom's a moonbat.)
I don't even want to think about the trouble this girl has dealt with throughout her life regarding her name. I can't even look at it without thinking of a parade of Smurfs singing "la la la la la la" and since she is a child of the 80s like me, I'm willing to bet that I am not the only one to ever think that.
Even an added H somewhere in the name might hint at the fact that La is not, in fact, pronounced like, um, the other La.
I dunno, guys. This one just really hurts my brain. I can't see the logic here at all. (Probably because there was none- like I said, I know this family pretty well). I will say that pretty much everyone who comes into contact with this name is utterly stumped until they're informed of the correct pronunciation.
Phonetic clues, y'all... they're important.
:::sigh:::
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Chasidy
It's a Southern thing. And it drives me BONKERS.
Some Southerners name their little girls Chasidy. It's a bastardization of Chastity, I suppose, but to me it just seems like a stupid way to spell a name.
I mean, look, my six year old just informed me that Chasidy is a pretty name but the way you spell it is really dumb.
Anyway, Southerners have a hard time getting any respect from the rest of the country as it is, we don't need any more kids running around with misspelled names. You wouldn't name your kid Fayth (please say you wouldn't) or Howp, or Charity... so why Chasidy?
Then there's Desiree, which seems like a fine name if you want your child to grow up and be a stripper.
Oh well. It seems that the one good thing that's come out of the Madison naming trend is that the Chasidy naming trend is now over. All of the potential little Chasidys out there got to be Madysyns instead.
Some Southerners name their little girls Chasidy. It's a bastardization of Chastity, I suppose, but to me it just seems like a stupid way to spell a name.
I mean, look, my six year old just informed me that Chasidy is a pretty name but the way you spell it is really dumb.
Anyway, Southerners have a hard time getting any respect from the rest of the country as it is, we don't need any more kids running around with misspelled names. You wouldn't name your kid Fayth (please say you wouldn't) or Howp, or Charity... so why Chasidy?
Then there's Desiree, which seems like a fine name if you want your child to grow up and be a stripper.
Oh well. It seems that the one good thing that's come out of the Madison naming trend is that the Chasidy naming trend is now over. All of the potential little Chasidys out there got to be Madysyns instead.
Friday, July 9, 2010
I haven't posted in a while, but that's a good thing!
I haven't posted in a bit because I haven't run into any absolutely atrocious baby names (and because my file folder of names to snark about got deleted somehow).
Plus, it's been a busy summer.
Today, though, I need to cheer myself up, so I'll go off on a little tangent about something I read the other day.
It turns out that most other countries prevent people from inflicting horrible name choices on their offspring. Well, okay, not most other countries, but a good few. Germany, for instance, makes you pay for the privilege of naming your kid, and if you pick a name they don't like, they'll deny the name and charge you again when you submit a new (and hopefully more sane) name.
Only, they let someone name a kid "Violence."
Good one, Germany. Way to get over that, um, violent legacy of yours.
I wonder if little Violence gets in trouble at school for hitting kids? I wonder if he gives his parents a hard time at home?
Sigh. I don't advocate laws regarding naming your kids, but I do advocate a little bit of common sense and dignity.
Plus, it's been a busy summer.
Today, though, I need to cheer myself up, so I'll go off on a little tangent about something I read the other day.
It turns out that most other countries prevent people from inflicting horrible name choices on their offspring. Well, okay, not most other countries, but a good few. Germany, for instance, makes you pay for the privilege of naming your kid, and if you pick a name they don't like, they'll deny the name and charge you again when you submit a new (and hopefully more sane) name.
Only, they let someone name a kid "Violence."
Good one, Germany. Way to get over that, um, violent legacy of yours.
I wonder if little Violence gets in trouble at school for hitting kids? I wonder if he gives his parents a hard time at home?
Sigh. I don't advocate laws regarding naming your kids, but I do advocate a little bit of common sense and dignity.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Bad Baby Name Consequences
Look, y'all, all of these little Codys and Maddysyns and Muffins and Jadens out there are going to grow up some day, and some of them are going to want to get into politics. When they do, they're going to encounter some of the same problems that two politicians in my area are contending with. Poor Twinkle and Young Boozer. I'm sure their parents didn't think about these things either.
What's that? Are you non-Alabamians rubbing your eyes to see if you read those names right? Oh, you did. Tinkle Andress Cavanaugh and Young Boozer are real people running for office in my area. Poor Twinkle doesn't even have a decent middle name to go by, and Young Boozer... well, he's named Young Boozer. It just doesn't get any worse than that, really.
Twinkle is running an ad campaign right now, and the first sentence asks for people to look beyond her name... her horrible, cutesy, humiliating name. I'm sure that when she was a baby it was just adorable and darling. Cute little Twinkle, how fun. Well, now she's a grown-up, and it's just not quite as cute anymore. Believe it or not, this name business is actually affecting her chances politically. This, my friends, is why we do NOT CHOOSE CUTESY NAMES around my house, and why you shouldn't choose cutesy names around yours.
And then there's Young Boozer, whose parents should have been brought up on child abuse charges. Last names are last names. There are tons of us stuck with bad ones. However, tacking on a bad first name in front of a bad last name does not make an amusing joke; rather, it makes a lifetime of embarrassment. I have actually heard people say, "I would never vote for someone named Young Boozer." They don't know if he's a Democrat, Republican, or long-lost member of the Whig Party... they see that name, that HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE NAME, and it's all over for them. It's not Young Boozer's fault that his parents were asshats, but it's certainly his problem. (And yes, Young Boozer is his actual, legal name. He's quite vocal about this, as if to say, "Well, what can you do?")
Kids grow up. They're not pets. They're not dolls. They don't need cute and adorable names. They need names that can represent them throughout their lifetime. They need names with dignity and strength. They do not need made-up names, or joke names, or names that should belong to a cat. Jayden, Bladen, Grayden, Stormy, IaKaeia, Brytni, Tyffyny, Mattysin, and Lunden are all going to grow up someday, and they're not going to appreciate their cute little monikers when they do.
(I wonder if Young Boozer drinks a lot... but I'm pretty sure Twinkle doesn't twinkle. Unless she's wearing sequins. Or strobe lights. Bye now...)
What's that? Are you non-Alabamians rubbing your eyes to see if you read those names right? Oh, you did. Tinkle Andress Cavanaugh and Young Boozer are real people running for office in my area. Poor Twinkle doesn't even have a decent middle name to go by, and Young Boozer... well, he's named Young Boozer. It just doesn't get any worse than that, really.
Twinkle is running an ad campaign right now, and the first sentence asks for people to look beyond her name... her horrible, cutesy, humiliating name. I'm sure that when she was a baby it was just adorable and darling. Cute little Twinkle, how fun. Well, now she's a grown-up, and it's just not quite as cute anymore. Believe it or not, this name business is actually affecting her chances politically. This, my friends, is why we do NOT CHOOSE CUTESY NAMES around my house, and why you shouldn't choose cutesy names around yours.
And then there's Young Boozer, whose parents should have been brought up on child abuse charges. Last names are last names. There are tons of us stuck with bad ones. However, tacking on a bad first name in front of a bad last name does not make an amusing joke; rather, it makes a lifetime of embarrassment. I have actually heard people say, "I would never vote for someone named Young Boozer." They don't know if he's a Democrat, Republican, or long-lost member of the Whig Party... they see that name, that HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE NAME, and it's all over for them. It's not Young Boozer's fault that his parents were asshats, but it's certainly his problem. (And yes, Young Boozer is his actual, legal name. He's quite vocal about this, as if to say, "Well, what can you do?")
Kids grow up. They're not pets. They're not dolls. They don't need cute and adorable names. They need names that can represent them throughout their lifetime. They need names with dignity and strength. They do not need made-up names, or joke names, or names that should belong to a cat. Jayden, Bladen, Grayden, Stormy, IaKaeia, Brytni, Tyffyny, Mattysin, and Lunden are all going to grow up someday, and they're not going to appreciate their cute little monikers when they do.
(I wonder if Young Boozer drinks a lot... but I'm pretty sure Twinkle doesn't twinkle. Unless she's wearing sequins. Or strobe lights. Bye now...)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Aerial
Aerial. It can be an adjective- "We took some aerial photography" or a noun- "She did an aerial in gymnastics".
Evidently, it can also be a first name.
I don't have any problem with Ariel as a first name. Sure, it was originally masculine, and I have issues with the angelic type names, but MY kid is named after The Little Mermaid, too, so I really can't say anything there. (No, it's not Ariel. Or Triton. Or Ursula.) But...Aerial? I mean, if you must misspell the name, couldn't you misspell it in a way that doesn't suggest another word?
Meh. Evidently not, for Aerial's parents. Maybe she'll grow up to be a gymnast or a photographer.
Evidently, it can also be a first name.
I don't have any problem with Ariel as a first name. Sure, it was originally masculine, and I have issues with the angelic type names, but MY kid is named after The Little Mermaid, too, so I really can't say anything there. (No, it's not Ariel. Or Triton. Or Ursula.) But...Aerial? I mean, if you must misspell the name, couldn't you misspell it in a way that doesn't suggest another word?
Meh. Evidently not, for Aerial's parents. Maybe she'll grow up to be a gymnast or a photographer.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
My, it's been awhile
Nothing struck my fancy until just now, when I found the name Amberly.
Amber is NOT a word that can be made into an adverb. You cannot have an amberly woman living in an amberly neighborhood. If you absolutely must name your child Amberly, how about a different ending? Amberlee is acceptable, as is Amberleigh or even Amberlie. (Well, no, that last looks pretty stupid, too.) Amberly, however, evokes this sentence in my head: Oh, how very Amberly of her! Then it pisses me off because even in my head, it doesn't make any effing sense.
Can we not just stop at Amber and have done with it?
it's cutesification and we shall not stand for it! WE SHALL OVERCOME!
Amber is NOT a word that can be made into an adverb. You cannot have an amberly woman living in an amberly neighborhood. If you absolutely must name your child Amberly, how about a different ending? Amberlee is acceptable, as is Amberleigh or even Amberlie. (Well, no, that last looks pretty stupid, too.) Amberly, however, evokes this sentence in my head: Oh, how very Amberly of her! Then it pisses me off because even in my head, it doesn't make any effing sense.
Can we not just stop at Amber and have done with it?
it's cutesification and we shall not stand for it! WE SHALL OVERCOME!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Laken
I got this one off the back of a minivan, from one of those stickers that advertises every member of the family.
Like this:
_of_viewphoto%5B2%5D.jpg)
Ahh... I love that sticker.
Anyway, this poor mite is named Laken, and as usual, I tried to follow the thought process of the adult who did the naming.
(You know it's a bad name when your spell checker objects, by the way.)
So maybe it's someone who didn't quite want to follow the Jayden trend. Commendable.
Then, perhaps, they thought of the Jayden alternative, Kalen.
(Always makes me think of kale, than name...)
So I suppose that they thought perhaps Kalen was slightly too trendy. The obvious thing to do, to them, was to switch the K and L around. Taa-daa! It's not Jayden, it's not Kalen, but it's just as frickin' stupid. Although I'm sure the parents gave themselves quite a pat on the back for cuteness and originality.
Or am I barking up the wrong tree here... is it pronounced a totally different way? Is it not lay'ken, after all, but rather la-ken'? God, that would be even worse. Laken doll. Heh.
Well, Laken with a long A is bad... Laken with a short A is much, much worse. I hope young Laken got off lightly (relatively) and got the long A.
And remember, people, creative spellings will cause creative pronunciations. Keep this in mind.
(I hope this kid's mother doesn't read my blog and start beating me over the head in the grocery store or something. I gotta find some bad names that are from out of the area.)
Like this:
_of_viewphoto%5B2%5D.jpg)
Ahh... I love that sticker.
Anyway, this poor mite is named Laken, and as usual, I tried to follow the thought process of the adult who did the naming.
(You know it's a bad name when your spell checker objects, by the way.)
So maybe it's someone who didn't quite want to follow the Jayden trend. Commendable.
Then, perhaps, they thought of the Jayden alternative, Kalen.
(Always makes me think of kale, than name...)
So I suppose that they thought perhaps Kalen was slightly too trendy. The obvious thing to do, to them, was to switch the K and L around. Taa-daa! It's not Jayden, it's not Kalen, but it's just as frickin' stupid. Although I'm sure the parents gave themselves quite a pat on the back for cuteness and originality.
Or am I barking up the wrong tree here... is it pronounced a totally different way? Is it not lay'ken, after all, but rather la-ken'? God, that would be even worse. Laken doll. Heh.
Well, Laken with a long A is bad... Laken with a short A is much, much worse. I hope young Laken got off lightly (relatively) and got the long A.
And remember, people, creative spellings will cause creative pronunciations. Keep this in mind.
(I hope this kid's mother doesn't read my blog and start beating me over the head in the grocery store or something. I gotta find some bad names that are from out of the area.)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
What a smurfing stupid smurf.
It's been awhile- things have been crazy here.
Fortunately, my daughter's school has sent me a school directory full of fodder, so I'll happily jump right in with the first atrocity that jumped out at me:
Azrael.
Because I guess someone's parents never watched The Smurfs.
He's got an average, ordinary, American-sounding last name, so they can't plead ignorance due to foreign customs (although they may plea insanity).
Maybe the parents were really young, and somehow slipped in the cracks between The Smurfs being on tv all the time and, well, The Smurfs being on tv all the time. I don't know.
Now, anything with "el" at the end is usually an angelic name (Michael, Uriel, Gabriel) and so we can conjecture that perhaps the parents were just trying for a unique angelic name, since Michael and Gabriel are so common and Ariel is now mostly a girl's name. (I can't say anything here, I named my son after The Little Mermaid, too. Just not, you know, Ariel.) Anyway, if they wanted to name the kid after an angel, I'm just saying that there are better angelic names out there (all of them).
I guess it could have been worse... the poor kid could have been named "Gargamel".
Fortunately, my daughter's school has sent me a school directory full of fodder, so I'll happily jump right in with the first atrocity that jumped out at me:
Azrael.
Because I guess someone's parents never watched The Smurfs.
He's got an average, ordinary, American-sounding last name, so they can't plead ignorance due to foreign customs (although they may plea insanity).
Maybe the parents were really young, and somehow slipped in the cracks between The Smurfs being on tv all the time and, well, The Smurfs being on tv all the time. I don't know.
Now, anything with "el" at the end is usually an angelic name (Michael, Uriel, Gabriel) and so we can conjecture that perhaps the parents were just trying for a unique angelic name, since Michael and Gabriel are so common and Ariel is now mostly a girl's name. (I can't say anything here, I named my son after The Little Mermaid, too. Just not, you know, Ariel.) Anyway, if they wanted to name the kid after an angel, I'm just saying that there are better angelic names out there (all of them).
I guess it could have been worse... the poor kid could have been named "Gargamel".
Sunday, January 10, 2010
D'Brickashaw
The husband and I were watching football last night when suddenly a D'Brickashaw appeared, causing us to hunt frantically for the remote that doesn't exist for the DVR that doesn't work for the service we no longer have in order to STOP THE DAMN BALL GAME long enough to go, Shit, is his name really D'Brickashaw? Turns out that yes, indeed, that man's name is D'Brickashaw.
D'BRICKASHAW.
My god, but it's fun to say. It's a mouthful. It trips lightly past the tongue. But D'Brickashaw? Seriously?? I know people like to try to be unique, and D'Brickashaw certainly wins in at least that category (although sadly lacking in the Good Sensible Names category) but it is rather a mouthful, and upon examining its origins I am sadly confounded.
Did Mom and Dad look tenderly at Mom's growing belly and think, "Well, we like to say Brick, let's find a way to add to that. Brickshaw! Hmm... not enough. D'Brickshaw? Missing something. I know, I know... D'BrickAshaw! There's our winner!" It truly boggles the mind. I mean it. I'm boggled.
I also confess that I evilly love it. I will find a way to use this name. I'll name my bike D'Brickashaw, perhaps, or maybe the toaster. (In this house, we name our inanimate objects.) Hmmm... did it some from some word play with the term "rickshaw" perhaps? Or am I stretching too hard, trying to find a reason where no reason exists?
D'Brickashaw. I feel like Jo from Little Men, who named her dog Christopher Columbus just because she liked to say it. D'Brickashaw!
D'BRICKASHAW.
My god, but it's fun to say. It's a mouthful. It trips lightly past the tongue. But D'Brickashaw? Seriously?? I know people like to try to be unique, and D'Brickashaw certainly wins in at least that category (although sadly lacking in the Good Sensible Names category) but it is rather a mouthful, and upon examining its origins I am sadly confounded.
Did Mom and Dad look tenderly at Mom's growing belly and think, "Well, we like to say Brick, let's find a way to add to that. Brickshaw! Hmm... not enough. D'Brickshaw? Missing something. I know, I know... D'BrickAshaw! There's our winner!" It truly boggles the mind. I mean it. I'm boggled.
I also confess that I evilly love it. I will find a way to use this name. I'll name my bike D'Brickashaw, perhaps, or maybe the toaster. (In this house, we name our inanimate objects.) Hmmm... did it some from some word play with the term "rickshaw" perhaps? Or am I stretching too hard, trying to find a reason where no reason exists?
D'Brickashaw. I feel like Jo from Little Men, who named her dog Christopher Columbus just because she liked to say it. D'Brickashaw!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
