Mackenzy the huge linebacker

He may not be a linebacker. I may be intentionally vague here. He's a pro football player, though, and 20-some years ago an adoring mother looked at her little baby and couldn't help but give him a cute and adorable name. She couldn't even stop herself from sticking a Y on the end. How cute. How adorable. How...sweet. Mackenzy.

I have issues with the name Mackenzie even if it's a girl name and it's spelled right. Yeah, you know, I think it's a cute name, but I'm not gonna saddle a child with it or anything. I read an article a long time ago about a woman who loved the name Victoria. She spent her whole life waiting to have a daughter so she could name her Victoria. Then she had her kid and thought that she looked (at the ripe old age of 3 minutes) too "mischievous" to be called Victoria, so instead of going the Vicki route, or even the Tori route, she went full cutesy and named the kid Mackenzie. The theory here was that she would save Victoria for some hypothetical future daughter who perhaps would be born without the look of future juvenile delinquency in her eyes.

I have issues with this.

Of course.

Let me just get them off my chest here.

The "mac" part of the surname Mackenzie means "son of." While this is great for Mr. Big Hulking Football player (although that ending Y is unfortunate) it's bad news for Little Miss Mischief. Poor kid could have gotten a nice, classic name, but no. Mama had to go trendy.

And what is this crap about your newborn baby looking "mischeivous"? I know what a newborn baby looks like. Asleep, feeding, or crying.Red. Wrinkly. Covered in ick. They don't exhibit personality traits. They don't yet have them.

But back to Pro Football Guy. He's a victim of Cutenization. Is it any wonder this guy was compelled to play football? He makes a living beating other people up. I'm sure it has to do with his silly name. (although Marcades, Atari, and Cadillac, also football players, could give him a good run for the money in the silly name division.) Mackenzy is a good example of why you shouldn't let yourself cutesy up your kids' names... that name on an adult football player just looks and sounds ridiculous. Think about how much worse it would be if he was running for office.


Cutenization: Don't Let It Happen To YOUR Kid. This Public Service Announcement brought to you by It Was Late, and I Was Tired.