It's been awhile- things have been crazy here.
Fortunately, my daughter's school has sent me a school directory full of fodder, so I'll happily jump right in with the first atrocity that jumped out at me:
Because I guess someone's parents never watched The Smurfs.
He's got an average, ordinary, American-sounding last name, so they can't plead ignorance due to foreign customs (although they may plea insanity).
Maybe the parents were really young, and somehow slipped in the cracks between The Smurfs being on tv all the time and, well, The Smurfs being on tv all the time. I don't know.
Now, anything with "el" at the end is usually an angelic name (Michael, Uriel, Gabriel) and so we can conjecture that perhaps the parents were just trying for a unique angelic name, since Michael and Gabriel are so common and Ariel is now mostly a girl's name. (I can't say anything here, I named my son after The Little Mermaid, too. Just not, you know, Ariel.) Anyway, if they wanted to name the kid after an angel, I'm just saying that there are better angelic names out there (all of them).
I guess it could have been worse... the poor kid could have been named "Gargamel".