Thursday, November 12, 2009

Baby Names vs. Drag Queen Names

Oh, I have been waiting for this all day.

My friend on my mommy group informed me that evidently some parents don't know the difference between baby names and drag queen names.

Specifically, she has encountered a little boy named Cavasia, after the wine.

Yeah. Parents, if you're pretty sure from the moment of birth that your bouncing baby boy is going to grow up to do drag shows, request sensible heels for birthday presents (yeah, I stole it from Glee, deal with it) and possibly request a sex change for a graduation present, by all means go on and name him Cavasia. Or, if you're planning on raising a boy who will be beat up in school every day of his life and grow up hating you for his stupid, effeminate, drag queen name, go on and name him Cavasia.

Look. Only 5% of the U.S. drinks wine. An even smaller percentage of the wine drinkers will recognize the name Cavasia. My husband's a sommelier and I had never heard of it. The point here is: No one will get the reference (and those of us who do will still think you're an idiot for inflicting such a silly name upon the fruit, if you'll pardon the pun, of your loins).

Wine names are for drag queens. The Lady Chablis is a famous drag queen. Do you want your son to be a famous drag queen? (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) Are you, in fact, banking upon this? Because honestly, that is the ONLY reason (other than perhaps mistaking your baby for a kitten or a ferret) that I can come up with for anyone naming any kid this name.

So, are we all perfectly Cristal clear on this subject? (Yeah, I went there... it had to be done.) If not, let's run through it once again:

Wine names=drag queen names

So let's hope that this grape-loving couple chooses to name their next kid John and not Riesling.